she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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