my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
