sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i now understand why vodka
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
