How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm always down for nudity.
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