god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
