Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
