You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
