I am in a vortex of obligation.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
