I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
