Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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