There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i can't believe i had my finger in that
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
