Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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