Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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