As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
