the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
