Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
