Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
