I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
