His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
