He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My ass is underappreciated
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize