Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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