And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
