haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
