she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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