dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
