Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
