also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize