So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
