I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
