so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
