Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
