he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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