I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I supernannyed him into submission
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
