bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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