i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
