nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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