Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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