u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
