READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
