Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
