i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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