we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
