Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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