is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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