she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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