STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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