Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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