so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
