Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
