She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
