you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
