I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just googled if crying burns calories
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
