Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Who died my cat blue again?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
