i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Enjoy the penises
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
