like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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