nut hugger
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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