your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
