She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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