We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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