woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
