my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
