i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
