just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
