after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
