Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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