My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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