i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
