i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
