I wish I could teleport
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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