Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
