quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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