I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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