so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
foreskin is a definite game changer
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
