do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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