Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You left your phone here
Wait...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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