shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Enjoy the penises
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
