You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
