I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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