Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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