Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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