let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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