Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
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