The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
