Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
