Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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