I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
