lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
