You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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