you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think my moral compass just broke
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