Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
