the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
