I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
