Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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