I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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