I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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