4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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