Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
