Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
