The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
