afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
