Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
