I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
