from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
