Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize