Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
